freakin' twenty O eight!

goodbye 2008, hello mellow 2009..

certainly O eight was not a good one. lotsa hard crash. more downs than dawn. more grey. here are dedications, straight up to series on unwanted incidents.
1. health - not! i got seriously sick
2. wealth - not! finished my saving due to uneployment period.
3. got new job, new environment, new experience which later becomes cognitive disonance.
4. dumped even trying hard. like i love u forever, i cannot accept dis forever
5. met long lost friends. really quite a number. thanks dude..
6. being JackS and still..
7. i feel like Akon song rite now
8. troubled with couple of car crashes
9. being too deep..saddest n down to the most among all
10. WDF with dis year?
11. i'm alone in the office at the moment..dammit

good year good bye?

first entry to my so called diary.. haha
a wrap up of events from twenty O eight
dammit.. not a gud one
not a good year i guess..

holiday medley of feelings

long holiday. supposed i could finish up my so called writing within this period but guess what? for the past 5 days, i just wondering around, sleeps n more sleeps. damn! n tomorrow gonna back to work carrying the same loads n pressure.

felt like the biggest loser. caused i lost everything once i thought i owned which not. what tha fuck?

i received 600 free SMSes from the telco 2 weeks ago..thanks dude.. i tried extremely hard to finish them up n today i made it!! yeay..

being the JackS since, i've been a totally boring dude..everyday will be the same routine. the damn boring routine. in fact sometimes the JackS dude do felt like being a total asshole.. yes, JackS does!! n sorry to say to all, JackS still have the feeling.. the same feeling. the same deep as before.. why? because there's nothing JackS can do bout it. yes..JackS still love u.. call me an asshole or moron but to my dear friends, that is just how JackS feels. n it wont go that easy.. na ah!

found n met a long lost friend. L had been a companion for the last 5 days. one of the reason how i managed to finished my 600 SMSes..haha. lotsa to catch up but time wouldn't let us.. n the freebies finished liaow..btw thanks dude..

its been quite a holiday. things to do but i don't. lots n lots of sleeps. ahh....

what a 5 days. christmas. cousin's wedding which i didn't go. Muslim's new year. MZ new branch's opening. went to club since so long ago that i couldn't remember the last time. crash in front of TV for the rest of the day. tiring man.. n another new year is just around the corner but guess i wouldn't have any plan..

once JackS told will settle down by the end of the year (but which year?). again the same question pop-out yesterday by another long lost friend. n the same answer given. haha. but a statement made by other that makes me wonder. how could u settle down by end of the year (even donno which year), if you'll be alone (dumped) on every year end? dats make sense.. does make me thought of chocking him off!!

a medley of feelings. a series of incidents. as tiring as usual. the feeling to the same.. to the same usual suspect.

dearie dairy daily diary

i bought a diary yesterday.. wow! what am i thinking? this is certainly not me..

its not that having diary is a bad thing but the question is,
why? why i bought a diary as i'm not a constant writer..
how? how come i bought a diary instead of a meal.
what? what the hell is happening as this isn't me..
when? when does this thingy started..invasion of self mind
who? whom should i dedicate this diary..should i? not!

wastage? improper conduct? unnecessary?
damn u JackS!!

Dude...where's my pills?

ones in fact two asked me today.. "Dude, are you ok?" or "Dude, you look sick..". Question: do sick dude looks sick? how should i answer to that? thousand (lying) of answers playing in mind.. if i answer like this, there'll be another one. the same if i answer like that! huh..
If i answer like..

scenario 1:
Dude, are you ok?
i'm fine thank you..
Why are you not looks like one?
(this could go on and on....pergh..)

scenario 2:
Dude, you look sick
am i? no lah..
Yes you are dude.. you have the looks
did i? is it?
Yeah.. your..(still, things keep on coming...cis)

so, how should i? a nod plus with fake smile? in fact, the same face i faced on the mirror..btw, do i look sick? am i? is it? and the most important is, am i sick?

off day..watch-out JackS!!!!

free of work for a day would made my day.. is it? for some maybe but not me.. not today. and certaintly not tomorrow or three-morrow.. people keep asking "why JackS, why?" i wanna believe that i have the answer.. NOT!

diagnosed with illness is definately not my cup of tea but yet that's what they told. "JackS, what had you done?" "JackS, what happened?""JackS, how could this happened?" "JackS, are you sure?" "JackS, JackS, JackS and JackS!!!!". ohh... its just gonna make me sick even more.. feels like jackhammered.. a virus, infectivity, contagion, infections!

realizing and to accept. thought these were a tough task to do but keeping it clandestine is far more tougher and challenging. it wont take long for someone to enquire, but JackS gotta do what JackS gotta do..guess it how it should..

i've been guessing a lot didn't i?

i have a dream..

for once, i had a dream..for once, i had dreamt of my dream.dreaming of my dream..waiting for it to be seen..but then..

knock! knock!

who's there?

its reality..

reality who?

reality check u moron!! u've been dreaming all these while!!

cis..if only..

freedom to choose

i am amazed! shocked! surprised? impressed? (i may not get the exact word) by how people chose their path in life. is there any criteria to be check on? or its just follow the rule of heart?
yet my expression above wont get me the answer.

all i noticed n learned is you are the boss of yourself. the king of your own kingdom. the kingdom of your mind. you are the boss! the one who call the shot!

you have the fredom to choose. fredom to do, whatsoever you wanna do. its all up to you. its your choice. its your life! doesn't matter what other says. since when does it (others) count?

doesn't meant once you go bad you can't never go back! doesn't mean once you decide you can never turn back! is it everybody that bad? that bad that you rather stick on your wrong path, wrong choice in life and live your life in misery?

i know dats my door is always open. i know my hands are wide open. i know my self well. and i know whats my choice!!

i choose .............

jack with an S..

as many of you watched Friends before (since the sitcom ended), for those who had been a hardcore viewer might remember this scene. a part where Joey had to cover the relationship between Chandler and Monica; for whatever they are doing..hahaha. and the infamous tag line from him that time, "well, i'm Joey, i'm disgusting"..remember?

it somewhat had reflected to me since my previous conversation with a friend of mine. (thanks miss TMT for mention it..haha). but it's not to the extent of what had Joey did in Friends but sort of..

the part where people who are being used and left, and still being used. but yet still, keeping it as a favour (not keeping it with the Kardashian)..for no matter what, used people is still being used!! dropped and left behind, but when it comes for help or anything, it would be a favor from the used guy. TMT even mentioned, hey, stop being a jackass!! well, it does rings some bells in my head. giving me such loud sounds, buzzing in and out. again still, its a favour. guess the feeling is yet so strong still that nothing could change it! yet, hope it yet..donno..

later if other mention the same, guess i'm gonna give the same answer.. well, i'm hadi, i'm a jackass..!!

aku mau...please

please dear....couldnt erase..dowan to
i wanna be..for the only..
for the sake of "us".. ours..

you could ignore me
denying my existence
but it wouldn't change my feeling
on you

i'm certain there'll be a moment
everything to happen
you'll love me
and never ever let go

i wanna be by your side
loving your flaws
ready to cheer you always
for whatever happen
promise i'll be there

you could evade me away
but i believe
you'll love me
and never let go

i wanna be by your side
loving your flaws
i'm who willing be hurt
for the past