Which side are you in..?

I am still in the cloud; of these unique process people called life. I do wonder on the tendency of those who love to test. Playing with the pin; trigger the emotion, the anger. With unknowingly purpose. I believed. Focus and straight forward. 

They would say that they don't mind, but simply a game of mind. People do care. It is just a matter of making it obvious or keep it to themselves. They might say that they don't mind sharing, but keep it till being asked to. I believed. Focus and straight forward.

Why don't pain just be pain? Why don't just keep it plain? Why don't anger just be anger, rather than an obviously fake smirk and say "it is nothing". Why don't simple be simple? 

It is just those who love the game. A path full of opportunities and contigencies as they might claim. 

If you are still here, trying out your luck of all the options you may privilage, I just think that you are not ready. Simple! 

A Yes is a Yes. A No is a No. There is no Yes in a No. Vice versa. When Maybe comes into play, it is just you, filled with doubt(s). 

It is life. Full with moments of uncertainty. We are not going to play God and say we know it all, but to play it accordingly; necessarily. So, come out clean! And say it out loud. Which side are you in..?

the WHO

haven't found
yet heaven found
the who
someone in need
someone indeed

Maybe it's time..

There are many
has been too many
i mean a lot
& some which I didn't proud for

till the time
when will be the time
to stop and see
to pause and think
a break that won't take long

How could I; How couldn't I

Has been times
Which I had tried
Attempts
Numerously
I just couldn't

The harder I try
The harder it gets
The more I put
The more I push
I just couldn't

Love hate tragedy
A sad sad lullaby
Carried me away
Away from nowhere

Love you
Hate you
Adore and dismiss
I just couldn't

To love
Which I true
Be loved
That I blew
To hate
Just can't take
A step
That I knew
Of times
Which do comes
The guts
That gone
Through time
That flies

Tell me how
Can I hate you
Tell me now
Can it be you
How could I
How couldn't I

A melancholic mother tongue

Aku cuma orang biasa
Yang kenal erti lelah
Yang kenal erti penat
Yang kenal erti batasan

Sampai masanya
Tiba saatnya
Bila tikanya

Bila kudrat tidak lagi di sisi
Bila mampu sudah pergi
Bila rasa mulai pudar
Bila semua mulai hambar

Maka
Berhentilah aku
Duduk lah aku
Diam lah aku
Termangu

Kini
Aku masih di sini
Aku masih berdiri
Teguh bersungguh
Aku masih kuat
Aku masih larat

Aku masih mahu
Mahu kamu tahu
Kamu aku mahu
Dan kamu perlu tahu

may and might, i wish i hope

you may not know
you may not realize
you may not understand

that all of these are killing me
it is so bad
it is so sad

you might not want to know
you might not want to realize
you might not want to understand

that all of these had killed me
i am dying
of trying

hoping for a savior
to pull me up
out of this melancholic confusion
hoping it was you
hoping it is you
hoping it will be you

may and might
wish that i could have the strength
open up your heart
please
make it be me

For You

there is something
i have to tell
i think that i had fell
for you
yes it is true.

yes, i have fall
in love
with you.

its been a while since
it looks like a wild dream
and i jst got the will
to express how i feel.

there are many times that i tried to
but strength isn't on my side; no
wonder how should i may show
that i had fall
for you.

there are more to be told
jst your permission
that is on hold
wonder if you will too
be on the path which i wish to.

seems too much that i had
and this is all i can get,

hoping
it is you that i had
be on my side while
walk you
through the mile
we smile
we hi
on high.

but it is all what i dream to
no where if hasn't be you
will i wait
shall i have to
till that day
what say you..

A Showcase of Time

Today; age has shown its face. No matter how I tried, it just won't leave; stay, still, stick on the mirrow.

Today, I was reminded of those days; of the times of my life. Surprise and be surprised.

Today, I started with neat just to end up in mess. Ran out of tricks, nothing left under my sleeves.

A showcase of time. It does flies. It just did.

the taste of bittersweet

How was it? To suddenly realize that you don't know.

How was it? To suddenly realize that you are not sure.

How was it? To suddenly realize that all this while you don't realize.

A mixture of pure and taint.

A feeling which will bring you to a definite nowhere.

An ecstasy of absolute tears.

Who would rather anticipate when certain is promising.

Who would rather wait when now is here.

Who would rather feel when live is current.

Who would rather cry when joy is just a punch-on-the-face away.

Only once you are through, then you'll taste them; the bittersweet of mine. The taste of mind.

Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard (Coldplay, 2002).

The life once i knew was not that friendly

The life once i knew was not that friendly, anymore. A pure trial visit recently shook me up as it seem that it had settled down well without my present. In fact it seem like they do not need me there.

The smirks, the sounds, the vibes are just another evidence of you-ain't-needed-here feeling. Is it the age? Am I too ol' skool?

Is this the end, and a sum up of the dissapointing twenty eleven? Or might it be an opportunity for further recoup of performance and future visit? The later sounds irresistable but the first brought my foot on the ground.

Sigh~

the BUTs life

I do heard a lot people saying "walk the talk". But what if there ain't any to talk to.

Strive for the best, keep on trying and be brave. But when being brave is an option, playing it safe would do the job.

Relishing the moment won't help but will only harm. Once realization took it place, its time to savour defeat. The sweetness of own tears and sorrow.

It isn't the time being fussy only steps back into reality. The spot I am standing and the heavenly high you are now.

Demmit!!

Pretty shitty shocker

Another day another shocker. Shoot me straight up to the moon. But i ain't dreamin'. Is it a sign or just another multi-motivational urge which I sometime doubt. Probably; somehow. It never look pretty but you gotta do what you gotta do. Be a man. With my will and faith. Strong and tough. Accept. Ready and let go. Move up and move on. Another defeat that i can't resist. Duh..

CONFI-DENTED

There is a time when you are confident. There is time where your confidence stripped over you. There is also time when confidence eat you back. But there is out-of-the-world confidence worsen and anger you. Wadefak!!

WE AIN'T THAT ANGEL

You claimed to be proud as malaysian. Yeah, compared to most countries, we lived in a multi environment. Multi-races, multi-cultural, multi-religion, multi-languages, multi-colors, multi-whatsoever-you-name-it-we-got-it. We could, we lived, or survived? But yes, so far, and it has been good.

You claimed as better, a down-to-earth civilization, who respect and concerns. You understood and tolerate. A strong feeling of "togetherness". As good as it can be. As for all the goods are always be you.

We may seems nice among us Malaysian, but what to the others? Not to say to the westeners or normally refered as Mat Salleh, coz we love d mat sallehs. We respect them. We admire them. We idolize them.

But how about to those from 3rd world countries or even the neighbours. Do we look them the same as to the Mat Salleh?? NO, WE DON'T! We tend to easily get mad for silly things. Just because they don't understand our language, we shout! We insult! It's just that they don't understand, not that they don't want to. Whenever they try to speak our language, we immitate and exegerate as seems they try to make us look fool. Think about d Bangladeshis at pump station with their BARU LAMA, MERAH HIJAU. The Burmese, Indonesian, and the list continues.

Not to mention the blacks. Even worst. Ask yourself on your own percetion towards them. The "once-you-go-black-you-never-go-back" isn't applicable here. Yes we do heard of some unwanted events, but isn't it unfair to treat all of them the way we treat or look at them, just because of actions by some. We tend to stereotype. And not all blacks are bad and related. Use your common sense!

But when it comes to the mat salleh, we laugh as it is so funny and so cute as they trying to blend with us. PSY YA SOO CAR CAR MOO. ARE WARK CHANT TICK. And we smile (oh how nice). Whattafuck with that? Double standard? Yes it is!

And still you wanna claim to be that good? That nice? The best? I would say that you or we are nice but aren't that so-called angel!

Completely tripped over or just another tricky treat but the saga continues..

Conflict of interest or intolerence Malaysian? We are completely nobody to ourselves or self pride and one's cockiness do rule the game? Nobody knows you better than yourself.

Is this what we considered as the beauty of life or its diversity towards complexity.

The so-called misconception do nothing much on this highly misunderstood life but simply adding the mistakenly adoptation to another extent.

Missing out of life one's would say, so just be it.

If reminiscing seem to be too late, should I fight or should I wait, will it be glory or I will blew it

There was time

When it is too dark

When I was blinded

You came to turn the lights on

There was time

When it is too bright

Till I can't even open my eyes

Or too lazy to see

And there is time

When you feel

The time is up

You dim the lights

You start to pack up

It is time

When I feel

Start loosing my sight

Nowhere to be found

Again

Will there be time

For lights to back on

Or a complete pitch black continues

Will there be time

When I can get back on

An be on time

you ain't Judge Dredd to say that I am wrong nor "I am justice"

People judge others. Well, that's what they do. Who else would judge, except The Almighty of course. The thing is whether our judgement influenced by others or something. Is it? Let say biases; any psychological and emotional state of someone. Does this gonna affect your judgement?

People say don't judge a book by its cover. Don't judge a person by their looks. Then by what mean shall we judge others? Their heart? Their attitude? OK, these will only applicable to those who are close to us, then we can assess through. But what if for stranger? Are we gonna interview everybody, or make an announcement; looking for a pattern on how they react? Then, don't blame people who judge you by the way you dress, the way you look, the way you walk, or even simply stereotype you just because of nothing.

For whatever mean the judgement is made, by the correct or the opposite way, please don't make it public. It is just like spreading a virus. Especially those emotionally influenced judgement. Just because your views are emotionally different, there is no need to tell the public or others on how it affects you. Common lah! Some things are meant to be kept to ourselves. Our misjudgment may affect others feeling too.

And please don't judge others feeling through written media. How can you tell their feeling by the sms, messages, letters, chats? You'll never know. The words they used? Nah! That's not the way to do it. You may misinterpret the message. The less the word used in their replies doesn't mean they are arrogant. Maybe they are occupied to reply with such lengthy-messages-as-you-expected!

Even worst when people judge you when not even single words come out from your mouth. Keeping ourselves quite does give an impression to these people. When we articulate, something might weent wrong by the words, sentences or tones we used. But when by not saying anything still giving am impact, something is wrong with you Judge Dredd!!

i should be thinking of this weekend exam but why am i still awake till now; even it is raining cats n dogs outside

certain things are simply not meant for us
for no matter how

is it gonna stop you?

or you'll show them your determination
your willingness to fight

even you'll end up loosing

just to express
that it is no harm trying

is it worth the effort?
mystery

pact pact Impact

Sometimes, we never know nor realized; on how we'd affect one's life. The impact we left; on how big or deep the impact was, until you are confronted. We never knew that sometimes it may leave scars on someone hearts, or maybe the greatest memory ever worth live inside them. Just maybe.

Personally, I'd never imagined of all sorts of action of mine would leave anything on anyone. Just why? Maybe it shows how light we took on certain things. It may be true, maybe there aren't any, or it may be a lot. Who knows?

Our life is full of memories; those which you don't wanna live with and some you do. Once you start thinking back on those you'd done, meaning, it does leave a mark on your heart; on how we regret things, on how we missed things or someone. Otherwise you wouldn't bother to even had it sparked in our mind.

Some of us still breathing with opportunities to live and pursue their dreams and some's not. Some people are going to live, regretting their past actions; of all the missed opportunities and mistakes done. Maybe you aren't; busting your bones every single day to make it yours and redo all those mistaken steps of yours.

Then, you'll learn; something valuable; a life learning experience. Either it gonna change you later on or just gonna leave you with cheeky smile on your face. It gotta be 'something' aight?

So, live and move on, or change and do it right. It's your call.

what had that meant; smiles

How a song change a face of mine? Hadapi Dengan Senyuman. On every occasion it plays on my music player.

It did pleased me to smile and to realized on the world; of fate. On anything happened, which were meant the way it is.

I would rather relieving the moment & the person who introduced me into this; on all the sweet and memorable moments even on limited opportunities. The one who'd changed my views and perception on things & how it works; on how to feel and live with it. And did rocks my world.

Even then realizing on those missed opportunities, missing chances. I would live with her smiles although I'm on the losing side.

You're slightly a bit late I guess...once you said. If only...

Keeping my faith: as my fate

control freak

Yes, life is uncontrollable. If that gonna answer your question!

So what we actually do in our life? Basically influence. For whatever we do definately will affect the cause in the future. What is now is for the future. This is when the quote "think before you act" applies. Our action now is gonna determined what is gonna ahead. So mind your steps if you don't want to bang into something unwanted. It's all up to us.

So who says that life is uncontrollable?

If you wanna blame others for whatever not-so-good thing happened to you, think again. What have you done that brought those to happen? What action of yours that influenced those? Any measure taken to avoid them?

So stop complaining. Stop the tears. Stop wetting up your cheeck. Life is for us to live, so live it to the fullest.

Yes, you can't control others. So start to control the one you could; yourself. Life is unpredictable? Yes, it is. Well, that's the beauty of life isn't it? And let us keep it that wat; misterious..

A closure is all I need and 2010 arrived

As 2009 had ended, I can say that last year hasn’t been a good year for me. In a matter of fact, I could say the 2008 too. It’s not all things went wrong but the opposite side of “something good” has had been in a better shape than the other.

All the misjudgments and wrong doings had almost haunted me for the past couple of years. Numbers of events had much brought me to the deepest low end of regretful; of how could I, why did I, how come I? Or it can simply as on how could you? Or why did you? How come you?

Mistake done exactly 2 years ago. A mistake which till now makes me wonder and question of how stupid a person could be, how dumb a person can be, of how being such a jackass. A mistake, that can’t be overdone, which can’t be repaired nor turned back to.

As it's perishability, the same goes to all those regretful events; what’s lost is lost. I’m not whining but more towards on my relieving effort of those burdens I’d carried all this while. I do realize that there’s no redemption on whatever had, but at least I think I deserved something.

Freedom?

I don’t think so. Total boredom is more likely.

But, good karma did kicked it ass towards the new year. As I finally had my closure on two most indescribable two's. Even sometimes decade of war does lingering, but I'm just a human with error. Nobody's perfect and so do I. Well, it such a progress, a good one!! And a much-hard-to-resist-kinda-addiction had slowly out of my peacefully mind and wounded body. A major break to my sorry-to-say financial and physical. Wow. How nice.

A chapter of misadventure closing its curtain
As a new bright shining from the other side
A bridge to the greater perhaps
A happy new year

i want to keep on dreaming; for you

I want to..
fall for you
and I want you do too

I want to
be the shoulder to lean
catching all the drops
and wipe it clean
the one you can count on
through the odds
we'll make it gone

I want to..
be the closest ever
till you look no further
till you look no other
till the end
forever

I have fallen for you
but I don't know if you feel it too

what I knew is that you couldn't
and that's why I wouldn't
I knew that I shouldn't

the lyrics was right
it is too tight
and I was too late
guess that you can't wait
guess that is fate

not that we aren't meant
we are meant
but guess it is just till the point
where there shall be no joint

so long my dear
farewell and dreams on
I'll dreams through
I'll keep on
and on

a message to you

Don't think and believe the unnecessary. Coz it just gonna make you regret later; the time when you realized it just a waste of time.

Trust
Even though it's granted, you really gotta earned them. And it works both ways. Even it takes two to tango, there's no harm to be the first rite?

So, smile, cheer up and enjoy your life to the fullest!! =)

no need of dat crazy finder =p

The Naked Truth of Life

Some people are simply unbelievable; either the nice way or the other way around. Such a pretty darn lucky eh these brat. They just don't understand of how it works. Good and Bad. Nice and Ugly. Ying and Yang. Boys and Girls.

Karma?

Some of us need to be reminded. What a simple example of how we tend to twist and be drifted apart. Do we need to be spoon-fed all the time? Is it because we are lucky enough or plain lazy? Neither being superstitious nor motivator-wannabe, but sometimes, we tend to forget about Him.

Ungrateful? Lost? Is it free spirit or spiritless?

Missing out of life one's shall said.

the art of S

So far, throughout this stupendously great season, it has been a great journey. A moment spent with friends brought us back to some memorable stories of how it all started; to be where we are now. The gossips then teasing, from one led to another until finally I realized about the art of S.

It started with the Smile. Smile was way back then. Once was the peak of time. Once was superior. Once I lost; the time when I couldn't tighten my grip, to keep on smiling, which later sadness being the shoulder to cry on. Stoned. It took years to get back on my life ride. And it was a great challenge fighting to get my spot back in, not in smile but sober. Better than never.

Then Shit came. Shit came uninvited. Yup, shit happenned, and it did! But at first, shit seems to be the total redemption. The redemption of all the shits happened during my smiling era. And I'm surely determined to make it happened, to materialized them. It looks like success had suddenly scooping its way in. But as it is, shit happened. Shit stumbled and shift to the other side of the banks. Oh shit!

For the second time, shit ensued.

Then I decided to put things back on hold and rest for a while. During my break, smile returned; claiming back all the smiling moment, all the smiling memories. It was a total shocking surprise; wondering on how should I react. Of all I ever wanted. This could be it!...***wink***

But this time, I'm the one who slipped, with the feeling of unsecured clouding my space which later I chose to step back. Being totally plain silly I guess. Maybe I wasn't ready yet to get the swing back on mode. Well, that was my mistake. I stumbled, tripped and slipped and made the wrong decision. I wondered, out of all occasion in life, how could I choose Shit instead of Smile; I need to smile eventuality. I thought I could save Shit out of the shit on the other side. I thought I could repair the defects. I thought I'll survive swimming crossing that life river which separate me and shit but I'm the one who needs help then. I was hit by wave and drifted. Oh Shit!

Ok. I'm enough with the thoughts. It won't bring any good now. I'll keep on cruising with the flow, hunting and waiting for some new opportunity and new sign. My ammo now is just silence and hope that I'm strong. It just one of my sensational regret or maybe lament in life when I see Smile keep on smiling all the way; on how I missed and blew my chance. Well, it may be the sacred secret of life. You'll never know.

Sometimes, somehow, shit can be painful in life but just keep on smiling and you'll learn about the secret later.

Happy Independence Day

are Malaysian getting sloppy or some dudes trying to play God?

Previously, I read about the conspiracy theory; the bio-weapon strikes that intentionally to create a global panic situation. It had caused much trouble for the citizen of planet Earth with the casualties and fear.

It's typical when people turn to their God when disaster happened (norm I guess). Well they (and I) should. There'll be datasheets, pamphlets, zines, articles and emails being passed and forwarded around, on how to prevent/ overcome/ oversee/ prepare ourselves during this outbreak. Not to forget the prayers (good!) to The Almighty.

But then, some so-called small organisations (or maybe just one, I donno) are trying to take advantage through this hard time. They'll forward leaflets and mails on prayers we should recite and practice during the outbreak. It seems what they are doing is something good but sadly, in a way that testing our belief and trust to the only One; which could bring to loosing our faith. Wrong and misguided prayers are what they are promoting.

It should be in our deep concern on this issue as this is the time we should stay strong and believe in The Almighty and not loosing our faith and be misguided. So, be very careful with these dudes and their stuff because we are here, facing His test and not turning away from Him.

Selamat menyambut Ramadhan Al-Mubarak.

Conspiracy Theory??

Heard (read actually) rumors that current-world-fear Swine Flu or H1N1 is a planned bio-weapon of world-police-wannabe country and its greatest ally. Whether it's true or not? But some facts are just seems logic and not made up. Who knows right?

But if it's true, they gonna get the payback..bigtime!!

is it "durian" caused me all these??

Some would say it's a trend. A person wearing mask, then lotsa people wearing mask too the next day. Some even with colored and funny illustration printed. I owned one too.

Some said it's the weather. Haze. Dusts, smokes and other pollution, had caused this unhealthy air condition. One person get sick, then everyone get sick. A person cough in the office, lead to mostly everybody coughing too the very next day.

Some would say it's the virus. The current-world-fear Swine Flu. A number of people suffered death in Mexico then all over the world are at risk due to its pandemic capability.

But which to blame for my 5 days headache + 3 days of flu + 2 days of running nose + 2 days of blocked nose (and counting..) + soon-to-be cough coz my throat getting itchy + packetssss of tissue paper during running nose session?

And now I got Ospexin, Fedac (triprolidine + pseudoephedrine), Cetirizine, Apo Napro and SP Troche. And no idea of what are those; only prescription to be followed.

i would rather go to watch movie than sitting here waiting for absentism to present

In life, there'll be some situations, which somehow would be anticipated, and damaging too. In life, some people come, and some people go. Some people arrived, some people leave. Some people left, and some just stand there, deaf. Some people gone, and some were left alone.

And they said, C'est la vie.. (such a life!! or that's life).

Agreed? Or Regret?

It's good when distance wouldn't be a hassle for maintaining good hospitality and friendship. It's like memories are just too precious and unforgettable. Better remain, sustain and live it well forever. Thanks for the companionship and the love...so far

card of happiness is a card of regretful

Apart of my great week, a sudden moment shocked me while I'm looking for a stapler. A card that had much put me to one of my greatest regret in my life. A card which never expected to reached me. The card that stopped my 'ticking clock' and bring me into reality; to the moment of truth. A moment which made me sat and thought; of how regret I am, of how I lost, of how could I missed and waste the opportunity that once was my dream, of how slow am I to react and grab the once in a lifetime opportunity. Sigh..

Decade of War had left. Had decided. Had moved on.

On the bright side, it would be great, and I'm happy for Decade of War. It's just me who is too late to realize of how is the feeling of being too late; of being on the losing side. August 15th will tell 'em all..

The war shall stop. The war got to stop. The decade of war will resume as my war history. It need an ending; a closure. Guess this is it!

duh..why am I always late and loose? cis..

when there's nothing left to give, give up!!

Go for glory. Strive to reach the goal; the objective. The dream which doesn't just come at night time but towards day too.

Aim the highest. The one that will challenge our capacity. The one that test our credibility. Till the last sweat dried. We'll keep on trying; pushing to the limit.

Search the light. The brightest star among all. They said, there's light at the end of the tunnel. Aim and shoot!! The shooting star.

Aku bow + sun.

poor little poor guy

Alone..
Living by his own
Fighting the odds
Jeopardizing all his steps on these fragile glass of life.
Through the challenges, in this cruel world.

Beyond his reach is the world of dream. The one that mostly wished and prayed for. Being among the Galacticos..Sharing glories. Sharing girls. Sharing the hip. Conquering the tip. Conquering the peak.

But money? Without money? Can it be possible?
Money can't buy you love? This was so old-skool. Wake up baby!! They said money makes the world go round.

Emotionally speaks: "No, I won't go for money as love is all i craved for"

Reality check: "In your dream amigo, in your dream.."

They won't even turn and look at you if you're seems unfit to their standard. Slim wallet? You took bus to work? Ride a bike? Drove small old-fashioned rides? It's time to focus back on your get-paid-business than trying to hit the girls. No money no talk some would say it or even no money no honey, honey baby.. The looks isn't a pretty advantage nowadays. Charming wasn't tip them much, so why they would bother to?

Either you cash in, or check out!!

V for victory.. B for bullshit

We wish...
we pray...
we received...
we satisfied...
we grateful...

We do wish a lot.. And perhaps pray for all the wishes.. Hoping it comes true. And fulfilled our dreams and wants. Bring us joy and excitement to the fullest once we received them.. And we satisfied with all of our effort in fulfilling those dreams. Satisfied with all that we received. Happy, contented, blissful, glad!! Yippiee......

But then, do we thank for all stuffs and wishes received? Grateful maybe? Do we feel grateful for all we got? For all we received? And the most important is do we receive all that we wished for? Is it what we wanna? Is it the correct one?

Or we get the opposites?
You wanna right but you get wrong. You wanna sweet but you get sour. You wanna good but you get bad.

We all know there'll always be an explanation for everything. There must be a reason why if we didn't get whatever we wanna. Just like waiting your momma back from the store and bought you something but end up with nothing. There will always be with reasons, or excuses. haha.

But why people always think "the grass always greener on the other side". Why can't I get what they've got? Why you are better than me?

As the so called rule-of-thumb says, things happen for reasons. There'll always be an explanation dude... That's God's wish and you should be always grateful for whatever or whenever.. Peace

i wanna help but you need to help yourself first. i won't ask for returns coz all these while it's my responsibility..

Certain people aren't serious with their life. It doesn't mean you gotta be serious all the time, but some decision just need to be made seriously; where thorough thinking is vital. But yet there are still people who think that life is all about having fun. Yes! It's true that we should have fun in life; running without direction, laughing like no one is watching nor care, daring with one or another, but there are some limitations we just couldn't simply pass.

For these people, flowing through life is the way it is - just go with the flow, just let the wind blows you anywhere it will be. But you need to remember, not all winds will blows to your desired destination. It may in the end bring you to the end of your life excitement. For these people, they will tend to change and keep on switching their decision in life. "If this wasn't the one, we'll change to this one, if these weren't what we want, then we'll go for the other one". This simply showed how they make decision, how they take on their life, how unplanned their life is, how unorganised are they.

So, what's with these people? What's with them? Watchu gonna do with them? Or are you one of them? You better ask yourself first coz there's no used of pointing others if me or you are one of them..duh!

I spare my time went to apply for passport but wasted on changing kad-saya instead; not all local product is good aight? especially chip based!!

Mentality of some just couldn't be changed. Not pointing to anyone but it's just my observed-experienced general view. This is a story (is it a story? a comment or maybe concern?) about those counter-based service provider.

Speed is their SOLE concern in serving the so-called citizen a.k.a customers. None other criteria in this whole universe is taken into account. They would rather rush because what matter the most is speed service. For them by providing such a speedy speed, they could get more customers, more money, more sales, more revenue, better perception and more returns.

FYI people, there are other things you guys should consider in improving yet adding value to your service. GREET And SMILE people!! Greet and smile. I do understand (as I used to belong to these groups, duh...) as you people encounter with so many people on daily basis, with vary manners and attitudes, but it's your job so just face it! Yes, it's true people with attitude but it doesn't mean you should treat them badly, right? Even not badly but please..; with sincerity and integrity. A simple greet and smile would help. Not quality enhance but value enhance. Just think and execute.

changes and quenches aren't performance-enhance success-guaranteed solution

you can change the software
you can change the hardware
you can improve your computer
you can upgrade the program

you can change the policy
you can change the standard
you can change the system
to make it better
to make it greater
to make it more effective
to make it more efficient

all are done just to improve...
the quality
the service
to serve you better

it seems nothing is impossible
to change and to swap...swift

wait a minute!!
it's your wish but unfortunately you're dreaming dude!!!
you can change all that BUT what about the mentality of those people who handle them?
Impossible!! Na-ah!!

r . e . g . r . e . t

what's past is past
not slow ain't too fast
betrayed trust..purely won't last


lets bygones be bygones
not to be found
it hurts
and won't bound
neither it bounce


"damn it" for sympathy
the same to empathy
it won't help
more towards trap
what a crap!
you crab bag..

R . E . S . P . E . C . T

as long as you STILL know how to,
you'll earn them

it may took years to be awarded, yet a split second to be stripped... away


R.emember! E.veryone S.hould P.oise E.very C.hance T.ogether

R.andom E.quality S.hall P.reserve E.very C.ynical T.act

needs,wants,desire determined by personality,physical-biological make up and learning experience plus external forces surrounds

Today's topic is about motivation. That's how I started today's lesson. A life learning experience which highly hoped would much benefit those knowledge-seekers and me too; perhaps.

Either it's internal or external motivation, the passion I got with this would never be the same or as huge as what Maslow, Alderfer nor McGregor had, but yet it still excite me to the fullest (you wish!)

No matter whatever happened, regardless it's good or bad, it's all depend on how you take it.

Should it be the best quote (again, you wish!) which I always told them and perhaps others before, it's not me to decide.

b.u.s.t.e.d

It was revealed that geng jahat knew bout THIS! cis! And repeatedly attacked last night. It seems that new strategies are needed to overpowered their inhuman vicious assault. Couples of options did lingered on my head; it's just a matter of pick and execute.

Option 1
ignore assaults - to buy earplug and live in silence

Option 2
change address - quite effective and once proven. Nomad on-the-go?

Option 3
make it private - diary is preferable if it's to be picked

Option 4
increase login with fB - keep updated on any latest issue, take note and counter attack!!

Should which to be pick, I need to come out with something. Either to Relax? Run? Revenge?

cow pooh key muck - lembu seruan rasa benci kunci tahi

Some motherfuckers just don't understand. Some motherfuckers are simply annoying. Fucking stupid motherfuckers. Maybe that's why they are motherfuckers. For whatever fucking single damn thing you motherfuckers do, I don't want to know. In fact, I don't give a fucking damn care. Nevertheless, others' businesses are still their concern. I won't give a damn on yours so you better stay freaking away from mine. For whatever I do or did, that's not your fucking business so scram you! Don't try to teach others on how to do shit if you; yourself couldn't handle yours. To hell with you; damn it!

For me, kau dah cukup pukimak!!

what happen when you took a cramped packed bus full with people on a daily basis

The more we think about others, the more we suffer. Could this be true or is it just another reason for being ignorance and arrogant?

There are times when we could, in fact should help others. Being someone to count for, shoulder to crying for, a dependable dude, a responsible citizen, a friend to share cries and whines. A helping hands for those who in need, the seniors, crippled and handicapped, young kids, and the poor and so on.

However, there are times for you; the time when you think of yourself; the time of your own. It's not trying to be selfish nor self-centered but just putting yourself as number 1, the top on the list; the highest priority. You must think of yourself first, as the most important person in your life. Your needs and wants are to be fulfilled first then for the rest. Your own self satisfaction is to be reached; your personal greed. It would be such a waste of resources if you couldn't even fulfill your own wants. In fact, how could you managed to help others if you, yourself is in need?

Keeping your mind too much on others will give some bad effect; where you could lose your direction and major focus on yourself. Meanwhile, thinking of yourself all the time will lead to a bad perception, and maybe loosing some respect from others; when you getting the phrase like "such a non-considerable dude!"

After all, you are who you are. You are the boss of yourself. The choice will always be yours. It's just a matter of choosing the right path and bear with the consequences. The question is, whether it worth the effort.. It's your call!!

So, should I give my seat to them?

sure closure

I need a closure. I need a closure. I guess (still love guessing around) I need that. I need a closure; not enclosure nor exposure. I need a closure. But something lingering on my mind on this closure idea is that uncertainty. What does clouding in my head is something that is not clear; of what kind of closure that I need. A closure from what? Anything? Or everything? Watcha mean I need a closure?

But it seems sure that I need a closure... or not? blink!!

into pieces; the reality check of what's stolen from my plate

some says..
age is just a number;
a number known as a figure
a figure is just a look
a look that comes from the eyes
in the eyes its just physical
physical which just a body
body is for the a show
a show is all about cheer
cheer is just a laugh
a laugh is only a feeling;
a feeling that from the heart
a heart is watchu need
to break me;
into parts
into pieces
is that it?

having nasi lemak with lauk ayam is wonderful but a fresh nasi lemak with only telur rebus could be tempting too; or switch to Lontong instead

It's hard to please everyone as own-self is left unpleased. As the flow which thought will run smoothly had never happened; so far. It brings the worst in. Is it the inner rage-bull soon to be release; banging all life barriers without much question. Flow isn't the matter no more as self-making pace is made. But does it promise me success at the end of the tunnel? Or is there going to be another loophole or even dead end?

New start do sounds good. New starts do promise difference. But do new start promise the highly hoped ends? Nobody could answer that for sure. Some says it may worth to try. Some says you'll start fresh and brand new. But new start will leave everything behind. Starting from the very numero uno.

Mr. Question : Do you need all these?
Mr. Answer : Perhaps.
Mr. Question : Are you willing to leave everything behind?
Mr. Answer : Yes? Wait!! No? I don't know... If I don't want?
Mr. Question : WDF!!! Who's Mr. Question here hah?

what's with this JackS?

Amazing! What a shock on how far JackS was left behind in the scene on technology and IT; latest confirmation by reliable sources who conducted unreliably research.

It is confirmed! Even Mr.Google surrendered to look for JackS. Over 90 pages and they raised the white flag. What a so-random with JackS. Haha. A nearly squinting-eyes session. Fuh...

Ms.Merriam and Mr.Webster said: a man; mechanical device; something that supports; any of several fishes; a small white target ball in lawn ball; playing card with soldier figure; slang; female fitting in an electric circuit. Wow! That much? No wonder with that random search, Mr.Google gone fed-up. Huhu.

s.n.a.p

It's amazing how things change in a snap. A snap is just what it need; just a snap away. A blink of an eye? It's incredible to see how fast 'it' transform and wholly change the atmosphere. You may be well yesterday but badly ill today. You can say I do today and could later swap to I don't the next day. You could start by saying Yes as applying the Yes Man attitude and end up by loving the word No later.

The beauty of life again being questioned on how these unpredictable forces did affect our daily or routine decision; a decision which may change someone's life. How these random things play its part and bit by bit bite our heart. Who knows? It could be a capricious attitude which we hate the most or it's just a matter "Think before you act" and regret them later.

Snap. S.N.A.P. Still None Are Promised. Beauty of life perhaps? Or fool it is?

it ends; as how you start them

Starting point. The initial steps. The inaugural stage. It's all lies from there. Result derived from the process, but how it begin will normally determined its end; the full stop. Even it may not be a definite stop spot; the initiation approach could and would play its influence and roles towards the finishing line.

• if you initiate your step by honesty, then you'll end up as honest and with honor too.
• if you start them by telling lies, ahead, lies would interfere in between and patiently wait at the stoppage spot.
• if a smile was in your primary march, then you'll end up running with biggest smiles and lotsa laughter
• being a JackS?
  

A highly anticipated determination needed if you want to change them; regardless on how you started. But, not everybody is capable to do so. Once they said, "once you go bad, you never go back". It's right though. But, it's you to decide. Your desire; your wish. Whichever you opt to pick, the freedom and power are always yours. You are who you are and nobody can change that. Love..

whack ending to bad start to worsen continuity

Meeting with an old acquaintance was a great one. It's been a while since the last one. Usual rendezvous lead to was-to-be favorite spot even lotsa dogs are chasing cats in the cold and wet event. Meeting the newborn was the main attraction unfortunately time suitability didn't agree with us. So, it's a non-physical meting; more towards digital images presentation. But he's a one cute chunk though; even he's just few months old. It's the genetic; Asia Europa mix-blood.

But that's not the point here. The major headache suffered later is the main thing. Concentration distracted as it feels like a big strong giant knock on your head! What a painful experience since medication wasn't available at the moment. Thanks to i-love-to-walk-empty-handed-rather-than-holding-something (medicine)-to-work philosophy. Such a JackS philosopher-who-only-know-to-burden-himself! W.D.F!!! (don't get me wrong, refer previous2 post).

Non-thoughtful philosophy plus major-head-knock plus midnite-home-return equals to overslept plus late for work plus major-intense-boredom-coz-nothing-to-do and hunger. Hunger? Why is it on the list?

Another blasting news received is the engagement of the long lost decade-of-war. Is it a lost? Sorta-kinda-who-ask-you-not-to-make-a-move-coz-too-shy? It seems everyone moved on, a step forward ahead. Well, JackS gotta do what a JackS gotta do..Aight? which is nothing..duh..

my tired bubbly mouth with the story of what's not and please-do stuff

The thought-to-be great bout the pay-for-living job had sometime results in the opposite side. As few dudes did showed their interest, it couldn't resist the troublesome to play their roles too. And the just-around-the-corner two-and-half-hour sit-think-answer-or-you-fail will determine everything; even it does trigger my nerve and test the capability of their so-called educator. In the current classes, hesitant did spur its spores of major failures. Again, tests the ability and wrecking some nerve of tell-them-what's-this-and-that dude. The part of external motivation and education had been done thoroughly for the entire process but internal motivation has to play their parts too though. It just a matter of time and realization of the importance of what to be concentrate on and what is happy-enjoying KIV stuff. One part is done and another is their own will; the soon-to-be emergence of who'll prevail the odds and who's not.

oh sorry; direct translation as dizziness and sleepyhead clouding the grey sky of mine..hail the originality

oh moon
doncha care me no more
once the tears drop on my check
songs on radio seems to teasing me
when you're with someone else

is this hate was really love
that still rest for you
and i truly hope
behind that smiles
you miss me too

refused
to act as i am happy
i refuse
seeing you with the other
i confess to be envy
filled up in me
when you're with someone else

is this hate was really love
that still rest for you
and i truly hope
behind that smiles
you miss me too

once you stare on her eyes
i'm knocked down to the ground
by the moment when you are really leaving
it's just like
breathing in the water

is this hate was really love
that still rest for you
and i truly hope
behind that smiles
you miss me too

no need to be rocket scientist to discover such of unwell condition

Latest discovery. Whatta breakthrough! JackS is none other than found and fought before which later the journey of survival is yet to be more challenging.

It starts with hard-to-breath and you-cannot-took-cold-drinks had been long past an forgotten. Then comes injury-prone-always-lying-on-the-road-side which did spare some of JackS's blood on the street and money to the mechanic for believed to be performance-enhanced of king of the road. It does take quite of JackS's fortune in doing so but as it seems slower now or maybe over soon.

Then comes the bleeds-war. The war that brought much fear in JackS's life. The fear which had brought JackS down to the center of the earth cracks; for the mean of survival as normal dude. The war that could ends any dreams for a legacy to be passed down towards generations. Prescription and motivation are the was-to-be the last salvation which yet caused a not-so-confirmed-success-until-tested.

The latest discovery is the lowered blood pump as the doc said it doesn't pump-it-up that well. "That well" as in not on its best. Even it's not that severe but it may lead to. Well, who knows rite? No one knows and nobody wants them! urgh..

Guess, listening and follow the given instructions are the best option had at the moment. We'll just wait and see ya..? (gotta pump-it-up yeah!!)

journey to the food addiction district of AS

A first timer one would say. Well, it's true though. A crash-course in the never-been-before urban did give some new experiences on this unfamiliar-different region; people, love, addiction. The inaugural visit with initial intention of King&Queen-of-The-Day celebration turns to offer more than expected.

In fact it does provide an opportunity on getting along with new comrades and latest playa-in-crime (and some celeb-look-alike; as they claimed <- for real?). A new thing was learned on these dudes. On their addiction of tummy-filler joints which scatter all around their district of love; which they heart the most. It doesn't took that long to being introduced with the local's famous favorites BAR, Astro, Iman and Yasmeen (Royal is a miss). Each one with its own magnetic attraction; could pull back these comrades to travel back about 400KM just to savor the undeniable drugs. The drugs that they considered as 'explodes' or 'meletup'!! Their customary rendezvous (belakang; referred as to its location) wouldn't take too long to assemble and gather their loyal members; just to trash-out their next activities or joints to knock, or simply just for hang out session.

AS isn't a big conurbation; make it easily toured even for first-timer. Mastery is just a matter of frequency, repetition and guidance. So, AS; would certainly be another must-revisit destination!!

doncha ask what nor who and whom coz even myself couldn't answer dat!!

nothing BIG
nothing hip!!
nothing deep
only dip
and only fries
people with lies
people still try
donno why

a new 'hi'?
or simply high
fuck off
just buzz off
booze in and booze out
till u passed out

u had
do bad
be mad
so sad
like that?

WDF?
not that fug
w.d.f. ( double U, dee, ef )
not the elf
but at the teller
'who's dat fella'

doncha ask
wont tell ya...chiow

stick to the current-confirmed one or being ungrateful and live a new unpredictable excitement

As the time passed on my teach-and-learn process, some theoretical concepts and approaches did reflected to the reality-days-of-our-lives. It takes 5 times more to recruit new staff than to retain the old @ current one. In other words, the current one cost cheaper yet better maybe. Retention results in cost reduction.

It’s a norm whereby people look for something more or better one. It’s hard to satisfy human wants rather than their needs. They would urge for more once the previous one satisfied; completely or relatively. That's what Abraham Maslow once said. I think.

Retain the current then you'll find it easier to handle things. Stick to the one you has then. The one you've experienced with. The one you'd got along with. The one you know by now many things in life.

Why people bother to try new stuff? New experience? Changing mood? Changing swings? Or they just get up from the wrong side of bed perhaps? Why they would go for those which unpredictable-what's-next-or-how-then? Why they wonder much on how-if? Or what-if? Why is that not-confirmed-what's-next do excite them? To know more or it's just another latest trial and error? "If things doesn't go that well I can always go back". Is that it? Or people had enough with the current and experience new challenges? Or these dude just being ungrateful? For whatever-everything done before? Huh?

Old versus new. Current versus potential. History versus future. Confirmed versus unpredictable. Either you keep it or leave it. So, what's yours?

L.O.L

1. laugh out loud
2. lots of laugh
3. laugh of lifetime
4. laugh out love
5. love of laugh
6. lots of love
7. laugh oh laugh
8. living out laugh
9. (lol) - Yahoo Messenger
10. lol-er?
11. livin' on laugh
12. livin' out love
13. loud on love?
14. :D
15. laugh on love

being a Supreman; pros & cons

Wannabe Superman? Surely you had seen this Ad before; hanging at most lamp posts around the urban-city; light-blued color with Superman-logo, promoting so called performance-enhanced product! Those 'superman-wannabe' would had purchased them or had in-mind plan of going-to-be one day. Strong, hard and stay longer; is what its all about. These are the promises made. But does it well proven or not, it's those 'wannabe' will tell.

Some would question, is it necessary to put the Ad? Doesn't that obscene? They are not sensitive! And the highly rated one, do men really need those to perform? Lotsa questions and answers lingering in mind on its effectiveness. Of such product exist and shockingly publicly advertised! This Superman-wannabe disease affects not happening in 1 area but many cities. Where's the sense of sensitivity of our colorful multiracial harmony Malaysian? Some would question.

I would say, not every men need those extra-powered-performance-enhanced-super-duper energy booster. The youngs most probably. I believed their samurai-sword wouldn't need them. Yet. Hopefully. But let us think deeper yet openly. What about those who suffered from erectile dysfunction (ED) regardless during their younger ages or golden ones. And not to forget the young-in-the-inside seniors whom still want to enjoy the life excitement while they still can; while they still breathing. Such booster may help them to prevail their incompetence and probably bring back the joy in life. The negative side of it normally emerge when the not-supposed-to-be user purchased them and wrong-fully used for immoral purposes. That just it! In fact, it's a win win situation by the end, right?

The funny thing is the bright side of the story. From the shoe of a marketer. From a business-minded point of view. The absolute contra. The opposition. Why Superman? Why not other superheroes; Batman, Spidey, Captain America or current gaining-popular-kids-favorites, Ben10. Why must Superman? Well, we all should know who's Superman. We've been brought up with Superman. Watching Superman. Superman is a superhero. For us, Superman isn't just a heroic character. Superman brings the image of a good guy. A nice, good-looking farm dude from Smallville. Innocent yet powerful! That's what the advertiser tries to show us. The good image of Superman that is hoped to reflect their product and its users. The Superman alter ego.
(Batman-dark, black, night, wearing mask; Spidey-webby, messy, mask; Captain America-holding shield always, mask; Ben10-still kids, immature, turns into aliens). Superman seems a better choice!

Another one is by its colors and emblem of the famous S. Red and yellowed backed by blue are so synonym with our beloved character. It resembles and represents peace yet strong! Without attaching these easily-recognised-eyed-cathching colors, we may not bother to read the Ad or ever realized of its existence.

It's not always bad (such Ad) but people perceptions and impressions do lead the way. Only or unless those who will take a bit longer to creatively challenge their mind and having a different or better thought. So, Superman, up up up in a way..... huhu

No mo NO; happy JackS-day

it's official! the thought-to-be-longer gap-filler had come to an end. as for the start of the week had another big special-business agenda; not just as the first of the week but also the starting of incoming JackS-day again. guess the celebration gonna kicks early this time around. n looks like gonna be a longer party this time :( huhu. cutie-too-hottie NO is no longer PC-away. perhaps, the international no-interest-word-used organisation does NO good. and it really does so far though. good for you then! the things left are just few pantomime play needed in the so-called escape plan. hope the drama end soon and things back to normal as wanna. un-PC-away condition doesn't affect the jom-oldtown episode, as it still can be carry on but not as regular as jom-and-ok before! it still gonna be good for NO and the rest of course.

as for JackS it's another opportunity to be self-independent again in this face-and-fight-the-unpredictably-bored-yet-exciting life. the gap is opened again but now alone is how JackS will face. its up to self-determination now but external motivation as formulated by early philosophers do needed sometimes. again, it's an honor to wish the comeback of happy JackS-day!!

u go i will

once you said

i'm going
there'll be nothing
can stop me

i'm leaving
there'll be something
left behind me

no one asking
coz there's nothing
going to be

i'll pass everything
nothing is going
and i'll be free...

but i will

i will move on
from the past
i'll be d first
and not the last

i'll move up
from the down

i'll move fast
and leave the slow
i'll move fast
so that no one know

i'll move in
from the out
i'll move in
so no one hear me shout!!

NO the cutie?

on a period where i'm still attached with organisation next to the world central of attraction (in your dream), again had produced an opportunity to see and learn more on the other side of others and particularly on this one comrade; who had much filled the gap between being JackS and reality check. lotsa new thingy and excitement discovered on how much i'd forgot and unaware of. some would bring the spookiness and wonders. haha. but most of them are much and entirely full of anticipated events which could and somehow had brought lots and lotsa laughter. finally the crack in between bored and must-do-to-get-paid is sealed. a bit. for the moment. ambiguity of how will this be prolong or the time has come which i don't know when.

i was somewhat (its not oversaid as to be) forced to choose the title but still hope it will do great. to NO too. sorry dear, just can't help it. cutie girlie; as geli in Malay means ticklish. but not that one though. NO The Cutie. what? i didn't know how can i agree on choosing it as the title. hehehe. but who cares. aight?

not being properly introduced once during the first face-to-face meeting; as i was rushing to do-or-get-none job; in an elevator. (who rush in the elevator? sigh) . unexpected to be on the same sit-and-faking-you-are-working area, later brought to filling-the-gap-within routine. not a girl power but there's some force NO brought into. as NO would always refered as being elegant, young and stylish. by NO-self. some would said as thought-of-ownself, well i do at first. well, come on. it's not wrong for think and being positive, aight? so lets now admit it ya? (really i am? still wonder sometime..). lets called it a fair claim.

being a nice and helpful acquaintance, NO does lotsa laughs even sometime i would think its too much. but wait till i get the chance later. haha. (you'll be the victim later, NO). a good listener even do most of the talking; somehow create a new bustle in my going-to-be-bored-my-entire life. fun being created out of nowhere as everyday i would look foward for new excitement. yeah, finally i admit that. nothing much i know as NO loves warm water, hot water and sometimes, only sometimes warm tea. that's it. am i not thoughtful enough? well, maybe but lets keep it professional eh. only paid-thingy related and not personal stuff. some would break me into great laughs as once NO mistakenly mention her man by wrong name. its not by different name but wrong name..hahaha!! what la this NO.. and chilhood nick as Kutam did till now chuckled me. hohoho.. it brought me to almost 15 minutes of laughs right after i heard of that word. wow! rain-falls through windows being another great passion of NO as firstly thought it would be; what, crazy? but second thought had showed the truth of how NO loves the peaceful joy of passionately on wet-of-rains-falls window. that' just it. maybe? or maybe not. i dunno.

well, its a great pleasure and an honour to know you, NO (as pal, as a person) even uncertainty still clouding up there. may the greats and best (or bestest) will you face and obtain in future. cheers..

the unknown beauty

People are not always as we thought. We'll presume as what experience told. Prediction normally takes place from past actions; the actions that predetermine our next move; the preconception that was set or positioned earlier in our mind. As such behavior taught us based on the past, how about the incoming unpredictable forces? How will we determine the action of others? How will others react in such? Are they going to be just as cold as ice? Or trip?

Do you or will you know? For whatever reason, are we the one who’s responsible? Are we the one who’s on blame? Again, experience may tell. As everyone is unique by their own, we couldn’t tell what’s next. You wouldn’t, unless you are on paid-for-living job as a fortuneteller or palm reader maybe. The only we could managed is to plan out in advance. From what life had taught. From what usually is the result of such. Of course we couldn’t tell, but we can always plan. ‘Ei, practice a ‘Defensive concept’, once told. A proactive approach. ‘Think before you act’. You’ll never know. In fact, no one knows.

For good or bad, for better or worse, it simply shows how beautiful life is. How unique we are. How will we survive? How good can we be? How bad our decision is. For which path we chose, the freedom would always be ours. Cheers.

dumb dumber dumbass!!

Amazed. Puzzled. Freaking what?!! That’s how we could wonder of one's dumbness. Surprisingly amazing of their stupidity can be easily spread towards those next to them. Is it a disease, contagious one, or is it simply an idiocy freely passed around.

A thing about these silly dudes is it’s not enough just being dumb that it need to be complement with being cocky too. What a common combination that hopefully brings them towards their ultimate goal of being the dumbest of all. Unbelievably, these people seem proud as nothing done to overcome but to enhance their foolishness. Others affair do interest them and later plainly pin point on the opposites. It sort of like there’s a block in their head that obstruct them from the outside world. “Think outside of the box” we may normally hear but for them, “please go deeper into the box and you’ll get the answer”. What an asshole??

it's you dumbass!

Does it worth?

Everything is important. Everyone is important but you. It’s not that not important at all but the greater concern is on them. You are compromising everything on your expense. Try to please others while yours aren’t the priorities anymore, left behind and maybe forgotten. When you give more and accepting less, thought that you are bigger and better that way? You are not sure? It’s not wrong to think of others. In fact, it would be a great gesture as well as in term of esteem. But what happen if you are the only party? The only one who’s rowing and maneuvering through the river of life, against the flow, alone. Fighting the beat by your own. What happen when if you are the only who is giving? Nothing or maybe too little yet too less from the other side. Does it worth?

Once, I was told. Several times to be exact. In fact too many. Not to show your feeling. Not to express your emotion, the sensation burns in you. The bad one of course. Some people said that it’s good. “Don’t make faces”, “Don’t show you’re sad”, “Don’t tell others you’re in depression”, “Don’t express your anger”. In other words, “Fake it”. Do smiles in front of others. Do show the best impression. Expression. But what’s inside you are a fuming beast fighting its way out. But what you are doing are simply lying, showing you are happy while you are not. “Fake it” is the way to be. You are being someone that wasn’t you. Lie isn’t the way. There’ll be an answer to everything. But if “fake it” a.k.a. lie-to-everyone-you-know is the best, then go! Living in denial? What’s that? Are you in or what? But, does it worth?

You are who you are. You always do and never not. Believe me. But people keep on seeking life which wasn’t theirs. Why isn’t the question to ask, as there’ll be none to be exact. Everyone is unique by their own. But still you are who you are. And there is still someone with his or her agenda on imitating others. Being the copycat. It’s not a sin to admire and adore someone, even jealous or envy, but to follow them? On everything? I personally don’t think so. You are not just unique by your own but also by who you are now and on (whose feet) where you are standing now. Everybody works but not the same works. They owns money but not on the same value as yours. But why spend as theirs? As much as theirs. Some may think that it’s therapeutic. It acts as a reward after a month of sweat and hard works. Why need to copy, which in the end you are the one to suffer. Does it worth?

Keeping up with the Kardashian showed us the camera stick and focus on the Kardashian family. The same goes to this one except stick on different one. A new would-be-hit-someday show, going to boom! It’s called “Keeping on with the attached ones”. There are singles out there; quite a numerous numbers of them. Still, some would still go for the attached ones. Married, engaged, attached and in-relationship are the hot favorites now. It seems singles aren’t that attractive no-more. I myself wonder why these sort of new trend pop out, out of nowhere, booming and growing. Some would say these are the people with experience. Expertise. The masters. The “jack of all trade”. Some would go for the excitement. The thrills and challenges keeping up with these dudes do excite them. Some go for fun and pleasure. Nothing goes wrong when you are happy. As long as it’s a win-win situation. The worst scenario when people do it for the sake of money; when you are out of resources, out of buying power. This is the lowest it could possibly be but still some would love to go for that. Forget the aging skin, hairy-covered-almost-whole-body, blunt hairless head or their saggy balls, as long as money comes first, nothing would stop them. Guess such online social networks such as Facebook, Friendster, Tagged, Joosh, WAYN, Myspace, Ning or others need to make some amendments on their site. The part where you supposed to write your relationship or interest in, this new category should be in. Just to make a point maybe. But, does it worth?

My answer:

1. No. A quote said, I love you but I love myself more.

2. No. It’s just too good to be true.

3. No. “measure your own wealth”.

4. No, maybe. You’re the boss of yourself. The power of opportunity, option & choice.

Really, does it worth?

lesson to be remembered.. it's difficult to please everyone

some parts in life did difficult. its difficult. to choose. to decide. decision made may inferior, may it be the best or the worst ever made. that may caused you fortune. if only things were easy. if only things were predictable. if only i knew. then life will go by my way. my path. on how i want it to be. but then, there will be no more excitement in life. no adventure. not challenging. well, c'est la vie (that's life! in french). some said its like a box of chocolates, some even put life as a moving picture, switching from one scene to another. by the way, thanks to those for their thoughts. for me, life's just life. need not to be judge nor compared caused you're still breathing till now.. just flowing into it. feel the every deep vigorous moment. to the fullest.

a motivator myself, i used to tell people to stay positive. to say more yes and less no. seems like a Yes man movie..hahaha.. but not to that extent. for whatever happens, it basically depends on how you take it. whether you going to take it as something that will bring you down or are you going to be motivate by it. its all back to you. your internal motivation will determine how you'll react. again, a motivator myself, that is only i could do which is tell others. but frankly speaking, i, myself failed in doing so. i could influence others but myself. what a shame! a friend of mine did help. even not much but it does. just by saying 'everyone does that, don't be afraid caused anyone can tell others what to do but own self'. thanks dude..

as time passed, boredom surrounds my environment. the feeling of monotony and dullness had conquered parts by parts of my petite life. i become a boring dude now since the lost of my usual suspect. my close acquaintance do realize this as my routines change dramatically but thanks to you guys for switching my unhealthy focus into others that would help. thanks a lot.

i'm a busy dude now as there are lots to do within this period. i used to be free, in fact sometimes too free as i felt once that its a waste of going to work where there's nothing to do. but that was over. no more. it is not a problem by being such busy. my main problem now is although i'm busy, i don't act like one. in fact, much of my time being waste by not doing my job. what? why? huh!! donno? most of my supposed-to-be-busy time currently i spend with reading. wow. it sounds seems like it very educational hobby but not. i just read reader's digest. haha. interestingly, there are many knowledgeable articles yet interesting in the book. one of the reason calling me to write this post. because of Reader's Digest February 2009 issue. few articles did leave an impact. few articles did interest me. few articles did taught me something or many new things. few articles did make me realizes on few things or two.

an article (pp 76) had taught of how lucky am i. how should i be grateful with my current situation. how am i not in the world which delve into strange and often painful. how i managed to avoid the symptoms of being a mad dude, meanest and harshest payback schemes, happily never after, writing off and many more..

another wake up call article (pp 85) did much knocked me off my half-conscious life. learning the signs which obviously shown the effectiveness of the power play, whether lead to uncompromising happiness or an apex of disaster. the lies and truth are my favorites!!
here's some: (exactly extracted from the article)

LIE: you think by giving more and accepting less, you are the bigger person.
TRUTH: you don't have to give up who you are or what you enjoy. why please someone else at your expense?

LIE: you think that by working at it, the other person will change.
TRUTH: you're the only one part of the relationship. if the other person doesn't change, it won't work.

the quotes are good too. not to forget jokes and real-life story.
these articles does! it's worth the effort when your investment results in return. time for sure. another reason why i don't feel such a waste of i KIV-ing my monthly-paid-job task. at this moment, my time investment did well as i've lost big time on resource investment before. it does give painful experience. it's all you to decide which you prefer. it's difficult to choose the best cause you can never please everybody at once. a thing at a time, plan and prioritize. a lesson to remember..

watchu naggin' dude?

bla bla bla bla bla
through all day long

picket here, riot there
complaining
grumble mumble, not so humble
laughs when you get much, noise when its little
not satisfied!
WDF? (who's dat fella?)

will there be peace?
will there be smoothies?
flowerina ballerina,
kissin' smootchin' drinkin' Ribena
follow the flow, whose mind can't borrow
dowh..

stomach sounds. unpleasant one. a mini concert is going on. 'sing-along' song chanted together.. "if we were filled, i promise you peace no sound.." shoot!!! freakin' empty i guess..

go and read Reader's Digest Feb' 09 (Obama on its cover). quite nice articles inside. none you would think of before. maybe..or not!

Strike!! phase one

i'm not satisfied... i'm on picket!!
protesting the unsettled life of mine.. period that much anticipated with less congratulating but full of sorry and sympathy... even empathy is better. i think. maybe.. or not!

and i could only do nothing. nothing to change. if only i have choices, then i'll have the problem to choose but it ain't happening. what should i do to have? what should i have? what should i need? to change? i need a wind maybe? 'wind of change'? oh, Scorpion help me...

at the moment, the most i managed to is just by protest. by leaving my face hair, freely and liberally.. its a rare occasion where i encountered daily on the mirror. sometimes i do feel annoyed by this black free reign grown hair but it just to remind me of my argument. the protest and quarrel of myself to myself. like Tun's said..Melayu mudah lupa.. a gentle reminder to my own self..

reversed Midas's hand

i feel like a superhero. with superhuman ability.

do not fear " Super JackS is here!!" "fighting crime, trying to save the world, we coming just in time, the power....." but not with this song. this is for powerpuff gurls...

i'm sure you have heard of King Midas. with his hand! for whatever he touch will turns into gold. my super ability is sort of like Midas's but on reversed. i've touched everything i could but it wont turns gold but dust.. cis!! (again, its a metaphor..)

for whatever i involved with, will be in mess. today itself, hassle resulted incidents happened. i'd sacrificed my 'till noon' sleeps to settle couples matter i 'touched' before. worst come to worst i had to let go some priorities. which till now i haven't realize whether i'm doing the right thing. damn it! it confusing..things that right to do or things i should do..?

silence is my weeapon today. my best ammo so far. and i'm gonna keep it this way for the moment.. damn you reversed Midas's!

i love me, i love me not

people said, love yourself.
people said, trust yourself.
people said, listen to your heart, listen to yourself.
people said, think of yourself first then the others.

watchu gonna do? with this? all these?
i personally blurred. confused. puzzled. bamboozled.

coz
the more i love myself, the more i hate others..
the more i trust on myself, the more i loose faith in others..
the more i listen to myself, the more i ignore the others..
the more i think of myself, the more i forget the others..

is this good or bad? am i right or am i not?
again, what am i gonna do? which am i gonna choose?

am i gonna go for myself? or should i go for others?
coz the first part is when you listen to "people said"...!!! (still the others)

oohh... crap! u tell me!!

my camel is dead

i used to enjoy my camel ride. up and down the hill. through the nasty forest and bushes. sand storms can be blurry but not my camel. but now my camel is dead. leaving me back. down on the ground. on my knees whining on its dead. he's dead not caused by lack of water but motivation to live..

its just a metaphor dude..

my camel ride is my life. the ride of my life. through ups and downs. my joy and sadness. my pain and gain. i used to enjoying those memories. life (the nasty forest) is like a movie, changing pictures from one scene to another. stored in a film of memoir, rest and remembered. blurry sand storms did leaves me in pain. clear tears did drops. i just couldn't help everyone. i just couldn't help myself. some pain did leaves me with scares. a permanent mark to be remembered till the D day.

i used to enjoy my ride. along with a company of love who always there. through the nastiest forest and bushes of life. who will wipe the clear water out of my face. who will bring me up when i'm losing my faith. who will trust and believe in me, maneuvering my camel of life. who help me to feed my camel. who cares for my camel. the camel i rode, together with the usual suspect. but now the same things happened. the usual suspect is gone. missing. leaving me missing.

now, no one to feed my camel. nobody to help my camel. i can't do this alone. i'm used to the old way. the way which i was together; feeding and pampering my ride. the week it goes, the weak my camel went. seems like the clear water out of eyes had dehydrate my ride. no one to wipe nor filled my ride anymore. as the time passes by, i just realized my camel is dead. caused of wet of waters. caused of lack of motivation. the motive to live..

i'm just gonna sit and whining for the moment. till i got the strength to get up which i donno when. just gonna follow the wind flows up to the north of down to the south.. damn it!!

moment of hoot

ever wonder.. emotionally ill can caused physically ill? or lead to it?

experience may tell. whats JackS thru is sorta kinda similar.. couple plus 1 months had showed its results. n its not pleasing. at all. na-ah! loosing count on weight till yet gonna feel like a bunch of cotton? flew by wind will? certainly its not d best or even gud of JackS at the moment. or being the BIGGEST JackS ever? for the week? year? or century? or forever? cis!! cis kek..!

the bleeds war dat were told on truce yet still doesn't offer JackS peace. statement made by med practitioner seems not convincing. still couldn't bring the joy back yet. hope it just yet. just a matter of time. which definately unclear..leaving in ambiguity JackS is at the moment..

james morisson lattest keep in mind. being the new dat top the head top chart.

bullshit did happened..

what a fucking way to start my day! freakin damned asshole!! come n go.. used n leaved.. WTF!!

bleeds war!!

its been nearly a month.. thought of recovering. thought of the end of this bleeds war. but guess its not! January 18th, 2009. a date to remember that i'm not healed. not fully recovered. i'm shocked but gotta accept. admit and understand. still wonder when its gonna end. February 2nd gonna be another date to attend. hope it should tells.. should produce some results which hope to be something good. i hate you blood!!

if you don't wanna love me - james morrison

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9IjLDEtGHM

When you lower me down
So deep that I,
I can't get out
And when you're lost, lost and alone
Yes you'd think it was the last place
You'd come back for more

If you don't want me to leave
Then don't push me away
Rather blow out the lights
You can watch it all fade
But I'm going nowhere

I'm gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
When you're closing your eyes
'Cause you don't wanna love me

I'm gonna stay
You can't push me to far
There's no space in my heart
Where I don't wanna love you

And when there's no stone
Then how can I feel the corn
If there's nothing, nothing, nothing left to lose
Then what is this feeling
That keeps on bringing me back to you

So I'm gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
And you're closing your eyes
'Cause you don't wanna love me

So I'm gonna stay, yes I will
You can't push me to far
There's no space in my heart
Where I don't wanna love you

And if you ask me to leave
And I walked away
We'd still be alone
And we'd still be afraid
I'm going nowhere
I'm going nowhere

'Cause I'm gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
And there's tears in your eyes
'Cause you don't wanna love me

I'm gonna stay
All the tears that I've cried
I could leave them to dry
If you don't wanna love me

Could leave them to dry
If you don't wanna love me

i tot, i wish, i conclude

for once i tot that no one understand me. for once i tot no one's there for me. for once i tot there's only me. i'm alone. without anybody. nobody's out there. but then i realized with a knock on my head. what have i done for them? what had i showed to them? what had i gave to them? do i deserve any? for what i gave? do i deserve any rewards? or anything?

i tot i've done many. i tot i've done the necessary. i tot i've done my part. i tot i've done whats needed. all that required. for what it takes to. but were they enough? were they sufficient?

sometimes i wish i'll get anything. sometimes i wish i've done everything. sometimes i wish that it was enough. sometimes i wish u wouldnt need to bluff.

i know myself well. i've lost a lot. i've missed a lot. there are so many frustration. there are less attention. thought of isolation.

we tend to want everything. and we too tend to loose. not getting whats on our mind. not getting our desires. our needs. thats top of our heart and mind. there'll be so much frustration. too many sadness. joyless. gonna be lotsa n lotsa cries. which later brought to a simpler conclusion. where i decided not to need nor want anything. i'm afraid of loosing. from the battle of my own game.

how does and whats now? uuh..

missed. why do people missed someone? why miss missy miss? for things that passed. for thing that wouldn't last. JackS do hope it would last. certainly do. but why do people miss someone from the past? blast from the past? yes it was. was.! passed.. the fact that it was should be vanished. put that aside please.. missing not just for someone but the whole package.. the routines..oh.. JackS really missed that! companionship which thought to be lasted, made from heaven..meant for each other. but Jacks rather hope for past to be renew. past to be reowned. indeed it was terrfying, horible; the tragedy. but whats with that if you are determined? whats with that if it just can't be healed? whats with if that's what JackS really really want? do JackS gonna back and be the most determined? as before? or maybe even more? huh... blured without image. only time will tell? is it good enough? is it convincing enough? na-ah!!

some people does said bout things that they didn't mean..slip of tougue? maybe? perhaps.. but whats with that? some did said that we tend to not appreciate with the moment.. the moment where we've got everything in our hands. the time where everything was in front of our face. people tend to do mistakes and might repeat them too. what a shame. so please appreciate the life; with things which still in our control. which we still hold. things that will definately makes us smile..cheer whithout jeer..

but how bout those that was? remorse? regret the gulit? for sure its a must. but how now? how later? whats now? what should JackS do? blurred, confused, hoping still, duh..!! an asshole? an old Malay thoughts as ate but not full, slept but not deep, bathed but not soaked. have you ever? JackS feel even worst! dammit..!

trully is JackS still miss and love. the same usual suspect. the same deep as before and ever.. so sorry JackS still does..* peace..ONE love