bleeds war!!

its been nearly a month.. thought of recovering. thought of the end of this bleeds war. but guess its not! January 18th, 2009. a date to remember that i'm not healed. not fully recovered. i'm shocked but gotta accept. admit and understand. still wonder when its gonna end. February 2nd gonna be another date to attend. hope it should tells.. should produce some results which hope to be something good. i hate you blood!!

if you don't wanna love me - james morrison

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9IjLDEtGHM

When you lower me down
So deep that I,
I can't get out
And when you're lost, lost and alone
Yes you'd think it was the last place
You'd come back for more

If you don't want me to leave
Then don't push me away
Rather blow out the lights
You can watch it all fade
But I'm going nowhere

I'm gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
When you're closing your eyes
'Cause you don't wanna love me

I'm gonna stay
You can't push me to far
There's no space in my heart
Where I don't wanna love you

And when there's no stone
Then how can I feel the corn
If there's nothing, nothing, nothing left to lose
Then what is this feeling
That keeps on bringing me back to you

So I'm gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
And you're closing your eyes
'Cause you don't wanna love me

So I'm gonna stay, yes I will
You can't push me to far
There's no space in my heart
Where I don't wanna love you

And if you ask me to leave
And I walked away
We'd still be alone
And we'd still be afraid
I'm going nowhere
I'm going nowhere

'Cause I'm gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
And there's tears in your eyes
'Cause you don't wanna love me

I'm gonna stay
All the tears that I've cried
I could leave them to dry
If you don't wanna love me

Could leave them to dry
If you don't wanna love me

i tot, i wish, i conclude

for once i tot that no one understand me. for once i tot no one's there for me. for once i tot there's only me. i'm alone. without anybody. nobody's out there. but then i realized with a knock on my head. what have i done for them? what had i showed to them? what had i gave to them? do i deserve any? for what i gave? do i deserve any rewards? or anything?

i tot i've done many. i tot i've done the necessary. i tot i've done my part. i tot i've done whats needed. all that required. for what it takes to. but were they enough? were they sufficient?

sometimes i wish i'll get anything. sometimes i wish i've done everything. sometimes i wish that it was enough. sometimes i wish u wouldnt need to bluff.

i know myself well. i've lost a lot. i've missed a lot. there are so many frustration. there are less attention. thought of isolation.

we tend to want everything. and we too tend to loose. not getting whats on our mind. not getting our desires. our needs. thats top of our heart and mind. there'll be so much frustration. too many sadness. joyless. gonna be lotsa n lotsa cries. which later brought to a simpler conclusion. where i decided not to need nor want anything. i'm afraid of loosing. from the battle of my own game.

how does and whats now? uuh..

missed. why do people missed someone? why miss missy miss? for things that passed. for thing that wouldn't last. JackS do hope it would last. certainly do. but why do people miss someone from the past? blast from the past? yes it was. was.! passed.. the fact that it was should be vanished. put that aside please.. missing not just for someone but the whole package.. the routines..oh.. JackS really missed that! companionship which thought to be lasted, made from heaven..meant for each other. but Jacks rather hope for past to be renew. past to be reowned. indeed it was terrfying, horible; the tragedy. but whats with that if you are determined? whats with that if it just can't be healed? whats with if that's what JackS really really want? do JackS gonna back and be the most determined? as before? or maybe even more? huh... blured without image. only time will tell? is it good enough? is it convincing enough? na-ah!!

some people does said bout things that they didn't mean..slip of tougue? maybe? perhaps.. but whats with that? some did said that we tend to not appreciate with the moment.. the moment where we've got everything in our hands. the time where everything was in front of our face. people tend to do mistakes and might repeat them too. what a shame. so please appreciate the life; with things which still in our control. which we still hold. things that will definately makes us smile..cheer whithout jeer..

but how bout those that was? remorse? regret the gulit? for sure its a must. but how now? how later? whats now? what should JackS do? blurred, confused, hoping still, duh..!! an asshole? an old Malay thoughts as ate but not full, slept but not deep, bathed but not soaked. have you ever? JackS feel even worst! dammit..!

trully is JackS still miss and love. the same usual suspect. the same deep as before and ever.. so sorry JackS still does..* peace..ONE love

JackS wrapped up!!

just today i've got into the mood. maybe caused by my finished so called writing this morning. yeay..! so here it goes..new entry for the new year. first of the year. JackS wrapped up of twenty O eight. who's JackS'd been for past year. not a Hollywood wrapped up as on Daily 10 on E! but lets just called it JackS wrapped up!

JackS'd been a boring dude. will be on the same things, same routines everyday in and out. they says it's better to stick to one and dats what JackS did. stick and get stick on. JackS isnt adventurous. always try to be on the safe side. no new things. keep it on the usuals. the usual suspect. changes n new are uncertain so better keep it dat way. but it must for some well-thought reason lah! normally, Jacks is risk free. more towards planned return. gud eh?

well, wats for the new year? is it gonna be new things? new excitement maybe? some things are better be ramain the same. some things are not gonna change. few things need measurements. few things need amendments. huh, not sure. but isnt uncertainty. but certainly is JackS gotta do wat a JackS go to do..