Settle Down

It’s really good to see most of my acquaintances had taken one step further. Merely 80% of them had settled down and live a married life. And the number keep on counting. A companionship life. It would be a dream of all of us to be in that extent which I highly appreciate and truly grateful when my time comes. The only matter is time. Oops! It would be a lie if it just a matter of time. Resource is the other factor.

One step ahead of me. It’s not a jealousy the reason I wrote but envy. Envy of others who gradually managed to do so and yet I’m happy for them too. They are my friends! But why do I feel that I’m not ready? It’s not that I don’t wanna but uncertainty is what clouding my sky. The feeling of whether I am ready or not, could I be able going through this fixed companion life, or even my potential companion is ready or not? I can be sure that I am ready, but in term of what? Age? Check! Willingness? Check! Resources? Uncheck!! I wonder how could I ever surmount the idea of “resourceless” and go forward trailing my buddies whom each day took greater steps and challenges in life. I’ve wasted nearly a half year with nothing, just living with a bad decision which led me to more uncertainties and pointless. And now I should gear up and rev up as well as to get up from my last drop spot.

And resource is not the only matter as time continues, ticking and ticking. Leaving a buzzy sound through my ears. Time won’t come back, and I ain’t getting younger and younger though. What past is past, and future ahead is what to ask. Is it gonna last with a blast? Or just another setback and I bleed again? That’s just a question that I couldn’t answer now. All I want is to focus and giving my best shot! I had been given a target. It’s not really a target but more to warning or reminder (just to make it sound better). 2 years from now is the max. Not because I couldn’t wait for another 2 years but whether I’m ready with everything within 2 years. Mentally for the idea and concept of settling down can be shaped in that time frame but materially? That’s my biggest concern; my greatest fear at the moment. Either I come up with sum of resources or I’ll loose everything; potential companion to share life with and another reason to live.

It sound and look easy. Just plan and execute! But as I’m just gearing up, a later concern of my credibility and qualification on executing my current required tasks came up! Just to realize that there are some more to be done. Some extras to be add. Furthering and learning because later the education of others is what matter. As the “interruption” would somewhat affect my process of resource collection, I wonder whether the time frame is enough or I just gonna wasting my life again then. It’s been a hard time for me. It’s not the matter of choosing between two options but how am I gonna stick attached these two with me and carry them over. Hope for the strength and prayers to the Almighty will help because I don’t want it to be a burden but more to a loads of lifetime challenges which gonna test my courage and determination.

Help, someone?