i tot, i wish, i conclude

for once i tot that no one understand me. for once i tot no one's there for me. for once i tot there's only me. i'm alone. without anybody. nobody's out there. but then i realized with a knock on my head. what have i done for them? what had i showed to them? what had i gave to them? do i deserve any? for what i gave? do i deserve any rewards? or anything?

i tot i've done many. i tot i've done the necessary. i tot i've done my part. i tot i've done whats needed. all that required. for what it takes to. but were they enough? were they sufficient?

sometimes i wish i'll get anything. sometimes i wish i've done everything. sometimes i wish that it was enough. sometimes i wish u wouldnt need to bluff.

i know myself well. i've lost a lot. i've missed a lot. there are so many frustration. there are less attention. thought of isolation.

we tend to want everything. and we too tend to loose. not getting whats on our mind. not getting our desires. our needs. thats top of our heart and mind. there'll be so much frustration. too many sadness. joyless. gonna be lotsa n lotsa cries. which later brought to a simpler conclusion. where i decided not to need nor want anything. i'm afraid of loosing. from the battle of my own game.